The Office: Woman Switches from Pen Caps to Bic Clicks

 

 CALIFORNIA–Sylvia McLaughlin used to use regular pens: “It was all that the office used to order– regular ball-point pens”.  McLaughlin, 40, complained that the pens had some detracting qualities, such as drying quickly and often losing the cap. “You drop the cap, and you think they would fall in the most obvious place, but you still can’t find them–then you’re left with a capless pen”, she explains.

However, the office McLaughlin works at started ordering Bic Clicks. “They’re a lot better”, says Slyvia. “They are a lot more convenient because all you have to do is click the top of them instead of using a cap”.

McLaughlin says that she is a big fan of the pens and has even considered switching from pens with caps to Bic Clicks. “I was talking to Heidi today, and she agrees that the clicking pens are a lot better”, she says. “They don’t have caps, and yet they can still hook onto things like notebooks and pockets without having a cap. How do you like my notebook? I bought it at Office Depot.”

McLaughlin also complains that pen caps are useless and that the insert button on the computers toggle off and on for no apparent reason. “Another annoying thing: insert buttons. Don’t even get me started on those”.

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Video Game Causes Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Kids of the 80’s

 

Philadelphia–A study conducted by the Philadelphia Research Center of Mental Illness has narrowed down an alarming correlation between Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)–the mental quirkiness often associated with television character Monk, and celebrities such Howie Mendel, and fanny-pack/bandanna/sunglasses enthusiast, Hulk Hogan–to the video game Q*Bert. An alarming rate of OCD has been detected in children who were born between 1978 and 1989, who may have been exposed to playing the 1980’s video game “Q*Bert” as children.

 ”The game’s character has a very obsessive-compulsive habit”, researcher Martin Clemens says. “He has the obsession of symmetric, color-based uniformity, and acts out on them with the compulsion to change geometric blocks into the same color”.

Clemens says that Q*Bert does not stop until all of the colors are the same, and efforts to change the colors back by Q*Bert’s nemesis are responded with the compulsion to change the colors.  According to Clemens: “Q*Bert can’t be OCD himself… you have to help him act out on his compulsions to win the level”.

Q*Bert was released on many different video game consoles between the 80’s and early 90’s, which increases the contagious diffusion of OCD to spread to other potentially obsessive-compulsive people. Clemens says that adults who had played Q*Bert showed an obsessive interest with using elevators, stacking blocks, symmetry, and color uniformity. “There is this idea that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ colors, and all of the bad colors must be changed to the good colors”, Clemens explains.

As therapy, Clemens recommends a reversing the compulsions through playing older video games that are not as obsessed with uniformity and perfection: “We often find that our OCD patients benefit from playing not-so-organized games like many of the 90’s Super Nintendo games based on movies, athletes, and TV shows.  There is less likely of compulsion for organization because a video game based on Shaq has never had a clear objective”.

Bloggledoggle hot-button question: Do you think there is a link between OCD and video games?

 

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What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar? (a double-speak analysis)

 

By “Professor” Reginald Isley

Before we establish what you would do for a Klondike bar, we must first establish what a Klondike Bar is.  It is not fair to insinuate that a Klondike Bar could represent non-Klondike Bar entities that are prevalent.  We must then ask how we are going to conduct what anybody would do for a Klondike Bar in order to make a basis for statistical comparison, or that is, the consumer of a Klondike Bar versus the consumer of another type who is a consumer of the Klondike Bar.  Such results could be compiled in percentages represented by charts featuring bars (not Klondike), or perhaps a pie chart (keeping in mind that the study in question is a Klondike Bar).  Since there are other flavors of Klondike Bars, one must also need to attribute data that include other flavors of Klondike Bars and the types of consumers that fall beneath this categorization.  There is also room for margin of error. After such data are collected, that is of which consumers are consumers of certain Klondike Bars, we must also consider that the consumers might favor a certain Klondike Bar, or perhaps different flavors of Klondike Bars, from then where can be estimated, a diverse group of Klondike Bar consumers.  These need to be compared.  After this data is collected, the consumers must be conducted a market-research survey on whom they are, whether they are male or female, as well as racial, ethnic, and nationalistic backgrounds.  This data must be collected.  Questions can be compiled as to which each unique consumer would do for a Klondike Bar.  These answers may be varied.  All data entered the database collection of Klondike Bars, consumers, consumer types, and activities involved in the rewarding of a Klondike bar as the result of a question resulting in a persuasive advertising campaign to galvanize the consumption of Klondike Bars in mass amounts, must narrow down to a specific activity that would be hypothetically conducted in order to receive the paradigm of a Klondike Bar.  Results of these statistics should give individuals an idea on what anybody would do for a Klondike bar, as there may be many unique answers as well as similar ones.  Perhaps another way to calculate the exact activity for a Klondike Bar is to the unique data into separate variables and form an algebraic formula that would narrow down the activity that most people would take part in to receive a Klondike Bar.            

       K = Klondike Bar

       L = Alternative flavor Klondike Bar       W = Male Consumer

                 A = Female Consumer

T = Simple Activity

R = Complex activity

V = Activity commonly performed

Thus the equation would be V = T [(W*K)L ]

                                         V = R [(A*K)L]

                                          V = T(W)

                                          V = R(A)

                                           V = tw (ra)

Therefore, by simplifying this equation, we find out that V equals male and female consumers of vanilla Klondikes multiplied by… well, now we’re supposed to figure out what people would do.

It is probably something equals V. 

The calculations in order to perform the perception of activities perceived by the masses that are divided by different demographic variables and somehow exponentially reciprocated from the difference of V, in which would be the variable representing the activity. 

However, the results of the formula must be conclusive in different efforts to favor the campaign objective, that is supposed to mean that different groups of people would participate in many activities for a Klondike Bar.  Some of these activities may be simple, and some may be complex in nature, however the complex nature of certain activities must be emphasized in order for the advertising campaign to function at a levels by the parties–that of which is to determine that many people would perform many activities for a Klondike Bar because the Klondike Bar is so tasty, that consuming it must be an extrinsic reward for some type of complicated activity.  But, personally, I would probably go water skiing in a bathtub full of alligators.

Bloggledoggle Question:  What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

 

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Gentleman’s Hat or Top Hat?

 

 

 

Man Turns 26, Becomes Old (Quarter Life Crisis)

FLORIDA — Allen Mullins was twenty-five years old.  Mullins, a college graduate of 2004, now works as a computer technician at an office complex.  He is now the ripe age of twenty-six.  “I don’t know how I got so old”, ponders Mullins, as he strokes his chin.  “But come to think of it–my goatee is filling in a lot better than when I was twenty-four”.

But to Mullins, the mid-to-late-twenties are not just the usual occupational and identical range of placeless demography that it is for a lot of college graduates of Generation Y.  “Twenty-six might be the new thirty, but to me it is the new forty”, Mullins confidently explains.  Mullins says that the mid-to-late twenties are more than they are depicted in the movies:  it’s not all about having lavish apartments, khaki’s, IKEA, and being in an often demographically-displaced age bracket with people who are much older; they are also about kids, cats, and establishing relationships with new, and often boring people.  Mullins doesn’t mind the lack of frequency from interesting people with goals and ambitions like he was in college.  “There are a lot of great things about being twenty-six years old–like having a job, having kids, and getting married, and listening to your co-workers talk about car problems and their kids”, ponders Mullins.  “I’m not married yet, but a lot of my friends are, and I think that’s a pretty good idea”. 

Mullins says that now that he is twenty-six, he doesn’t have to do the ”crazy” things that he did a few years ago when he was in college.  “Those were crazy times.  There was a lot of partying, playing X-Box, and every relationship wasn’t a potential marriage partner”, says Mullins.  “But now that I’m a mature person, I put away my X-Box, watch more TV, and I’m getting into ‘easy listening’ music”.  While Mullins acknowledges that college taught him to speak his mind and to be an individual, he would rather be acquiescent due to his maturity. “You have to understand that being a mature adult is about conformity, and that we are all conformists”, he says.  “Being an adult is nothing like being a teenager:  it’s about watching the television shows that everyone else watches, having the same opinions, and wearing the clothes that everyone else wears”.

While John Steinbeck once wrote in Travels with Charley that maturity could not cure an itch for learning and exploration, Mullins hardly concurs.  “Maturity is an itch, and I’m scratching it.”, says Mullins.  ”But I don’t read much these days; I’m too busy configuring computers and watching Friday night television with a glass of wine”.

“I really like the fact that I am a grown man who goes to work configuring computer networks”, says Mullins, describing his mature identity.  “I don’t have kids, but I’ve taken up wearing ‘dad clothes’– clothes my dad might wear.  I cut my faux-hawk for a nice regular haircut that won’t stand out in a crowd”.  But dating is still on Mullins’ mind.  “Oh yeah, I’m still going after women”, he adds.  “Now I can date 50 year old women and not seem like such a kid standing next to them.  What a difference 12 months have made in my maturity”. 

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Gentleman’s Hat, or Top Hat?

 

By Gregory Phelps, top hat expert and mathematical dilettante

It seems as if there is some confusion toward a certain type of hat, and I would like to clarify that this hat is very well-known throughout Western culture.  I’m talking about the upright, vertical hat that is commonly a black hat, but in some instances may appear in another color.  However, the main color that typically encompasses the way we view this apparel in Western culture is black.  This hat does not necessarily warm, but it does show character and status.  This is what has been known as the Top Hat.Confusion is toward whether the hat in question should be known as a top hat, or, as called by some: a “gentleman’s hat”.  Perhaps a contrast and comparison to evaluate the most accurate title to describe one of Western culture’s most well-known head warming apparel.  The “Top Hat” title is fitting, although it is a somewhat discriminatory title, stereotyping the “Top Hat” as the only hat in being on “top” of the human body.  It may be a generalization, but it is assumed that all hats are “top hats”.  However, we could also come to a rationalization that the Top Hat is in fact, a “top” hat, as in being “top in quality”, or perhaps even a “number one hat”.  If this is the case, then a Top Hat is certainly a Top Hat.The other account claims that the hat is not a “Top Hat”, but a “Gentleman’s Hat”.  This name is not necessarily a less popular name for the Top Hat because it has more syllables, but perhaps it has a meaning.  Certainly, a gentleman would wear a Gentleman’s hat, but it is also discriminatory because perhaps there are some who sport a Gentleman’s hat who are not gentleman.

Another thing to exclude is gender.  On the occasion that a female sports a Gentleman’s Hat, such as a common dance routine, it cancels out the “Gentleman”, and leaves a hat.  From this, we could call the hat, simply, a “hat”.  This statement, however, is true, because the Gentleman’s Hat has a remainder of “Hat” once the “Gentleman” numerator has been canceled, thus making the formula true.  Therefore, the Hat and Gentleman’s Hat are equal and relative terms that represent integers.  Since the Top Hat has not been documented to be typically worn on any other hemisphere of the human body, the Top Hat’s represented integers cannot be canceled, allowing Top Hat to be the factual quotient.

From this, it is best fitting that the “Gentleman’s Hat” (or “hat”) does not represent any specific hat due to cases that cancel the “Gentleman”.  Therefore, pseudo-mathematics has shown that the term “Top Hat” is the appropriate name for this group of hats.

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