Rural, Midwest, Small Town Americans Not Bitter, Have Jobs (A Rant on Big City Urban Elitists)

by Gerrald Kittington, small town American who is not bitter

 There has been a lot of controversy lately about small town America’s “bitterness”. Small town people are not bitter.  And while they may be assuming, judgemental, and cliquish in nature, they are at least hard-working.  Polls and studies show this and that about rural America, and it’s all a bunch of hokey.  Charts also say that there are a lot of meth labs in rural America.  I could not disagree more than I do with my wife when she tells me that house on the back street smells like cat pee.  It can’t be cat pee.  They don’t even have cats.First of all, jobs are on the rise in small town America.  There are plenty of Wal-Marts and Targets for people to work at.  Cashiering in Midwestern rural America is at an all-time high.  If you know how to run a register, come to the Midwest.  We’ve got the job for you.  We don’t need museums and libraries.  One look at a good ole small town, and you’ll see that we take greater preservation in our mechanical bulls than the Smithsonian.

Elitist politicians have been spending too much time smoking herbal shampoo, painting walls with modern art, and wearing French berets while catering poodles extravagant beverages on golden liberal trays.  Excuse my wit.  Sorry if I offended any fur coat wearing hipsters with my heavy use of metaphors comparing liberals to my own strange manifestations. 

The next reason why small town people aren’t bitter is because contrary to popular research, young people are sticking around rural America because there is just as much opportunity as in the big cities.  My nephew has been anticipating a call from the coal mine for an interview for the last four years.  He knows that he’s not cut out for college.  What’s the deal with college anyway, to listen to some hollywood professor rant about how it’s hip for men to wear dresses?  Next thing you know, you’ll be drinking wine instead of good ole’ Bud.

This type of talk is discouraging to teenage rural Americans.  Rural teenagers:  don’t be discouraged by all of this talk about young people not having opportunity in small town America.  Remember to listen to your football coach algebra teacher when he starts rambling about high school politics while the kids in the back of the room are still trying to figure out last week’s lesson.

Rural America doesn’t need broadband connection.  This town just had telephone lines 10 years ago, and there is no need to rush broadband connection. 

Small town folks are not bitter.  We’ll never fix anything about what people decry small towns about, because we’re so accustomed to our traditions that we wouldn’t notice if something was wrong.  Boss Hog has our best interests.  America needs to know that the elitists do not speak for small town folks.  Neither do the polls.  If they want to send small town America’s industrial and manufacturing jobs to another country, then that’s fine.  We’ll just build bigger bars.  
 

 

 

 

 

 

Bloggledoggle Hot Button Question:  Are Small Town Americans bitter?

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