By Gregory Phelps, top hat expert and mathematical dilettante
It seems as if there is some confusion toward a certain type of hat, and I would like to clarify that this hat is very well-known throughout Western culture. I’m talking about the upright, vertical hat that is commonly a black hat, but in some instances may appear in another color. However, the main color that typically encompasses the way we view this apparel in Western culture is black. This hat does not necessarily warm, but it does show character and status. This is what has been known as the Top Hat.Confusion is toward whether the hat in question should be known as a top hat, or, as called by some: a “gentleman’s hat”. Perhaps a contrast and comparison to evaluate the most accurate title to describe one of Western culture’s most well-known head warming apparel. The “Top Hat” title is fitting, although it is a somewhat discriminatory title, stereotyping the “Top Hat” as the only hat in being on “top” of the human body. It may be a generalization, but it is assumed that all hats are “top hats”. However, we could also come to a rationalization that the Top Hat is in fact, a “top” hat, as in being “top in quality”, or perhaps even a “number one hat”. If this is the case, then a Top Hat is certainly a Top Hat.The other account claims that the hat is not a “Top Hat”, but a “Gentleman’s Hat”. This name is not necessarily a less popular name for the Top Hat because it has more syllables, but perhaps it has a meaning. Certainly, a gentleman would wear a Gentleman’s hat, but it is also discriminatory because perhaps there are some who sport a Gentleman’s hat who are not gentleman.
Another thing to exclude is gender. On the occasion that a female sports a Gentleman’s Hat, such as a common dance routine, it cancels out the “Gentleman”, and leaves a hat. From this, we could call the hat, simply, a “hat”. This statement, however, is true, because the Gentleman’s Hat has a remainder of “Hat” once the “Gentleman” numerator has been canceled, thus making the formula true. Therefore, the Hat and Gentleman’s Hat are equal and relative terms that represent integers. Since the Top Hat has not been documented to be typically worn on any other hemisphere of the human body, the Top Hat’s represented integers cannot be canceled, allowing Top Hat to be the factual quotient.
From this, it is best fitting that the “Gentleman’s Hat” (or “hat”) does not represent any specific hat due to cases that cancel the “Gentleman”. Therefore, pseudo-mathematics has shown that the term “Top Hat” is the appropriate name for this group of hats.
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