Giant British Cow “Chilli” is Huge, Captivates Americans

Not the actual cow

Is This British Cow a Threat to America’s Big-o-Centrism?

BRITAIN–Britain has something other than Big Ben to size America up to:  a gigantic cow.  Standing at about 6′5, the tall cow towers most other cow.  The British–known for their football (soccer), French Fries (chips), and chips (crisps)–may not be the Hummer driving, skyscraper-loving, monster-truck-captivated people that Americans are, but perhaps those “Everything is Bigger in Texas” bumper stickers might feel a little dwarfed in comparison to the bigness of British cow. 

“America has always been quick to document its unusually huge things”, says sociologist Dr. Jonathan Sykes of the Boston Research University.  “We have the biggest buildings, the biggest tomatoes, and the biggest portions of food… people make big balls of chewing gum for no apparent reason”.  Now that Britain has a cow bigger than most American cow, it could be the start of a new Cold War–this time with Britain.  Forget the space race, it’s the battle of the bovine.

Americans everywhere are either captivated or offended:  “[There's] no way we’re going to have them Brits beat us in big cow”, says cattle-raising Texas farmer Glen Roper.  “I’m going to start feed’n my cattle some crumpets and cheese so they can be as big as the British cows”.  Americans involved in livestock see this as a challenge, and they’re taking it very seriously.

“A war like this could only be solved through a sporting event with American cows against the British cows”, says Sykes.  “I know that cows can’t play soccer, but why not try?  We could then know whose cows are the strongest.”

Bloggledoggle Question:  Are Giant British Cows a Threat to Liberty?

 

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Addiction to TV and Internet Scams is a High

by Tim Watts

I’m that guy:  the guy who falls for scams.  ‘Tis me.

Buying into scams is a high.  It’s like a drug.  I admit that I am addicted to scams and the consumption of them.  But before people go assuming that I am some kind of chump, ask yourself if you have ever been addicted to something.  I’m sure you have.  With others their addiction might be alcohol, gambling, or video games.  With me, it’s buying crap that makes ridiculous claims, or perhaps taking Rush Limbaugh too literally.

Scams come in all kinds of packages.  There are just so many to choose from.  Sometimes a deal looks so good, that you can’t resist.  I once bought a cantaloupe holder for 30 dollars.  I know–I could have just saved the 30 bucks I spent on a cantaloupe stand to spend on more cantaloupes, but man… a cantaloupe stand?  That’s just unique.  I know I could just buy cantaloupes and set them on the ground for free, but it’s a stand.  Stands are really cool.

I’m the guy that falls for websites with  BIG OSTENTATIOUS BOLD TEXT.

To the normal, cynical individual, websites with this kind of text is a red alert to hit the “back” button.  Not me.  These types of websites have given me pills that treat hair loss, make certain parts of the body appear larger, make me lose weight, and make me taller.  I have bought these products on infomercials too:  the ones that promise a six pack of abs for rolling a plastic ball over my abdomen.  And I could have used a tennis ball for less, but a plastic ball for the abs could only be given credibility by…

Doctor testimonials.  We all trust something better when we see a doctor endorse it.  And my idea of a doctor is a tall, stocky, white male in his late 50’s with salt-and-pepper colored hair and plenty of lines on his face that represent experience and maturity.  We all know that doctors wear lab coats all the time because they are busy doing doctor things in lab coats.  I’m a sucker when doctors endorse products… especially when they wear lab coats. 

Before-and-after pictures are very impressive.  For example, on this weight loss commercial I saw a before-and-after picture of a guy, and in the “before” picture, he was very pale, didn’t smile, and slouched his shoulders.  In the “after” picture, he sucked in his gut, smiled, and had a tan.  It’s amazing how a tan can make people lose weight.  In a matter of fact, I think it was weight-loss tanning lotion.

I am that guy.  But don’t tell me you have a bridge to sell.  I just might buy it.

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The Office: Woman Switches from Pen Caps to Bic Clicks

 

 CALIFORNIA–Sylvia McLaughlin used to use regular pens: “It was all that the office used to order– regular ball-point pens”.  McLaughlin, 40, complained that the pens had some detracting qualities, such as drying quickly and often losing the cap. “You drop the cap, and you think they would fall in the most obvious place, but you still can’t find them–then you’re left with a capless pen”, she explains.

However, the office McLaughlin works at started ordering Bic Clicks. “They’re a lot better”, says Slyvia. “They are a lot more convenient because all you have to do is click the top of them instead of using a cap”.

McLaughlin says that she is a big fan of the pens and has even considered switching from pens with caps to Bic Clicks. “I was talking to Heidi today, and she agrees that the clicking pens are a lot better”, she says. “They don’t have caps, and yet they can still hook onto things like notebooks and pockets without having a cap. How do you like my notebook? I bought it at Office Depot.”

McLaughlin also complains that pen caps are useless and that the insert button on the computers toggle off and on for no apparent reason. “Another annoying thing: insert buttons. Don’t even get me started on those”.

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