Addiction to TV and Internet Scams is a High

by Tim Watts

I’m that guy:  the guy who falls for scams.  ‘Tis me.

Buying into scams is a high.  It’s like a drug.  I admit that I am addicted to scams and the consumption of them.  But before people go assuming that I am some kind of chump, ask yourself if you have ever been addicted to something.  I’m sure you have.  With others their addiction might be alcohol, gambling, or video games.  With me, it’s buying crap that makes ridiculous claims, or perhaps taking Rush Limbaugh too literally.

Scams come in all kinds of packages.  There are just so many to choose from.  Sometimes a deal looks so good, that you can’t resist.  I once bought a cantaloupe holder for 30 dollars.  I know–I could have just saved the 30 bucks I spent on a cantaloupe stand to spend on more cantaloupes, but man… a cantaloupe stand?  That’s just unique.  I know I could just buy cantaloupes and set them on the ground for free, but it’s a stand.  Stands are really cool.

I’m the guy that falls for websites with  BIG OSTENTATIOUS BOLD TEXT.

To the normal, cynical individual, websites with this kind of text is a red alert to hit the “back” button.  Not me.  These types of websites have given me pills that treat hair loss, make certain parts of the body appear larger, make me lose weight, and make me taller.  I have bought these products on infomercials too:  the ones that promise a six pack of abs for rolling a plastic ball over my abdomen.  And I could have used a tennis ball for less, but a plastic ball for the abs could only be given credibility by…

Doctor testimonials.  We all trust something better when we see a doctor endorse it.  And my idea of a doctor is a tall, stocky, white male in his late 50’s with salt-and-pepper colored hair and plenty of lines on his face that represent experience and maturity.  We all know that doctors wear lab coats all the time because they are busy doing doctor things in lab coats.  I’m a sucker when doctors endorse products… especially when they wear lab coats. 

Before-and-after pictures are very impressive.  For example, on this weight loss commercial I saw a before-and-after picture of a guy, and in the “before” picture, he was very pale, didn’t smile, and slouched his shoulders.  In the “after” picture, he sucked in his gut, smiled, and had a tan.  It’s amazing how a tan can make people lose weight.  In a matter of fact, I think it was weight-loss tanning lotion.

I am that guy.  But don’t tell me you have a bridge to sell.  I just might buy it.

Similar articles on Bloggledoggle:

Television is a Mind-Numbing Medium


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