Daily Archives: January 23, 2008

What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar? (a double-speak analysis)

 

By “Professor” Reginald Isley

Before we establish what you would do for a Klondike bar, we must first establish what a Klondike Bar is.  It is not fair to insinuate that a Klondike Bar could represent non-Klondike Bar entities that are prevalent.  We must then ask how we are going to conduct what anybody would do for a Klondike Bar in order to make a basis for statistical comparison, or that is, the consumer of a Klondike Bar versus the consumer of another type who is a consumer of the Klondike Bar.  Such results could be compiled in percentages represented by charts featuring bars (not Klondike), or perhaps a pie chart (keeping in mind that the study in question is a Klondike Bar).  Since there are other flavors of Klondike Bars, one must also need to attribute data that include other flavors of Klondike Bars and the types of consumers that fall beneath this categorization.  There is also room for margin of error. After such data are collected, that is of which consumers are consumers of certain Klondike Bars, we must also consider that the consumers might favor a certain Klondike Bar, or perhaps different flavors of Klondike Bars, from then where can be estimated, a diverse group of Klondike Bar consumers.  These need to be compared.  After this data is collected, the consumers must be conducted a market-research survey on whom they are, whether they are male or female, as well as racial, ethnic, and nationalistic backgrounds.  This data must be collected.  Questions can be compiled as to which each unique consumer would do for a Klondike Bar.  These answers may be varied.  All data entered the database collection of Klondike Bars, consumers, consumer types, and activities involved in the rewarding of a Klondike bar as the result of a question resulting in a persuasive advertising campaign to galvanize the consumption of Klondike Bars in mass amounts, must narrow down to a specific activity that would be hypothetically conducted in order to receive the paradigm of a Klondike Bar.  Results of these statistics should give individuals an idea on what anybody would do for a Klondike bar, as there may be many unique answers as well as similar ones.  Perhaps another way to calculate the exact activity for a Klondike Bar is to the unique data into separate variables and form an algebraic formula that would narrow down the activity that most people would take part in to receive a Klondike Bar.            

       K = Klondike Bar

       L = Alternative flavor Klondike Bar       W = Male Consumer

                 A = Female Consumer
T = Simple Activity
R = Complex activity
V = Activity commonly performed

Thus the equation would be V = T [(W*K)L ]

                                         V = R [(A*K)L]

                                          V = T(W)

                                          V = R(A)

                                           V = tw (ra)

Therefore, by simplifying this equation, we find out that V equals male and female consumers of vanilla Klondikes multiplied by… well, now we’re supposed to figure out what people would do.

It is probably something equals V. 

The calculations in order to perform the perception of activities perceived by the masses that are divided by different demographic variables and somehow exponentially reciprocated from the difference of V, in which would be the variable representing the activity. 

However, the results of the formula must be conclusive in different efforts to favor the campaign objective, that is supposed to mean that different groups of people would participate in many activities for a Klondike Bar.  Some of these activities may be simple, and some may be complex in nature, however the complex nature of certain activities must be emphasized in order for the advertising campaign to function at a levels by the parties–that of which is to determine that many people would perform many activities for a Klondike Bar because the Klondike Bar is so tasty, that consuming it must be an extrinsic reward for some type of complicated activity.  But, personally, I would probably go water skiing in a bathtub full of alligators.

Bloggledoggle Question:  What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

 


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