Not the actual cow
Is This British Cow a Threat to America’s Big-o-Centrism?
BRITAIN–Britain has something other than Big Ben to size America up to: a gigantic cow. Standing at about 6’5, the tall cow towers most other cow. The British–known for their football (soccer), French Fries (chips), and chips (crisps)–may not be the Hummer driving, skyscraper-loving, monster-truck-captivated people that Americans are, but perhaps those “Everything is Bigger in Texas” bumper stickers might feel a little dwarfed in comparison to the bigness of British cow.
“America has always been quick to document its unusually huge things”, says sociologist Dr. Jonathan Sykes of the Boston Research University. “We have the biggest buildings, the biggest tomatoes, and the biggest portions of food… people make big balls of chewing gum for no apparent reason”. Now that Britain has a cow bigger than most American cow, it could be the start of a new Cold War–this time with Britain. Forget the space race, it’s the battle of the bovine.
Americans everywhere are either captivated or offended: “[There’s] no way we’re going to have them Brits beat us in big cow”, says cattle-raising Texas farmer Glen Roper. “I’m going to start feed’n my cattle some crumpets and cheese so they can be as big as the British cows”. Americans involved in livestock see this as a challenge, and they’re taking it very seriously.
“A war like this could only be solved through a sporting event with American cows against the British cows”, says Sykes. “I know that cows can’t play soccer, but why not try? We could then know whose cows are the strongest.”
Bloggledoggle Question: Are Giant British Cows a Threat to Liberty?
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